Wonkette
An email has been circulating from the RNC asking you to celebrate President George W. Bush’s 62nd birthday, which is happening very soon. You can send him an e-Card with your personal greetings and pictures of your genitals, and maybe he’ll respond this time and finally leave his wife, like he promised you in 1989! THIS YEAR IT WILL HAPPEN, RIGHT? Of course, you are required to donate to the RNC to send your card. A small price to pay! [GOP.com via Washington Whispers]
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
i’ve gotten so many gag birthday cards with pictures of Bush on them
You say it, but you don’t mean it…
What’s the GOP price to mail him a box of shit?
Methinks he will be receiving many birthday wishes from that staunch Republican TRUCK NUTZ!!!
ManchuCandidate: I thought the GOP was sending themselves shit?
“Happy birthday, Mr. President! I am enclosing some white powder for you. No, it’s not anthrax at all. Sniff it up, and a good time will be had by all on your birthday!”
All except you.
how can the embodiment of pure evil be only 62 years old?
AxmxZ: If it’s not anthrax, is it cocaine?
I’ll send him a present — how much is a one-way ticket to St. Helena?
i’d like to wish him a happy 20-years-to-life.
AxmxZ: If it’s not anthrax, and it’s not cocaine, then is it powdered brains? Because that’s the only thing Bush should be snorting: 100% pure I.Q., drug of choice in The War On Dumb.
It looks like the minimum donation is $1.00. So minus the cost for the card and minus the cost of mailing the card and minus the credit card charge, I figure that leaves the GOP like $0.10. Would they get the message if a bunch of us did that?
What’s the opposite of “and many more”?
Oh yeah. “Die sometime in the next year, will ya?”
Tits_LaRue: Nothing will stand in the way of our President’s honorable “War on Smart.”
I’ve celebrated seven birthdays under Dubya and all I got was crap. Crap. Crap. Crap.
And I should support the GOP financially for this?
shortsshortsshorts: It’s the one war we’re winning
I wonder if a TGI Friday’s gift card would be considered too high-falootin’ for Our American Prez…
Can my e-card have a Goatse link, or do you think the RNC actually screens these things?
I think I’ll send him a fecalgram instead.
I’d certainly like to send him pictures of my nuts, if I didn’t think he’d pretty much emasculated me and the rest of American maledom.
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: And we’re doin’ a helluvajob!
Noy your nuts, but trucknutz.
On my 16th birthday, Bush said this:
You are living proof the Iraqi people love freedom and living proof the Iraqi people can flourish in democracy. (Applause.) People who live in Iraq deserve the same freedom that you and I enjoy here in America. (Applause.) And after years of tyranny and torture, that freedom has finally arrived. (Applause.)
I have confidence in the future of a free Iraq. The Iraqi people are fully capable of self-government. Every day Iraqis are moving toward democracy and embracing the responsibilities of active citizenship. Every day life in Iraq improves as coalition troops work to secure unsafe areas and bring food and medical care to those in need.
Way funnier than any card I could make for him.
ronaldpagan: Except that HE said it more like this:
You’re proof of the living Iraqian’s freedoms and flourishing people with democracy. (hesitant, puzzled applause) People who live in freedom enjoy Iraq here like America. (murmurs) And after the tyranny and torture of the years, that freedoms has arrived, in the form of a mushroom cloud. (sound of muffled struggle as Bush’s handlers gang-tackle him)
…Im gonna have to pass on this one, I mean why would I pay money to send a card that will more than likely put me on the CIA watch list?!
AngryBlakGuy: You could always keep it ambiguous — like “Happy Birthday, Mister President — someday history will look upon your life and administration with the kindness that your efforts deserve.”
I just can’t spend money on a prank if it goes to them. There just has to be a way around it. I so much want to send him my real and true wishes…Oh, wait GITMO is still open. Never mind.
AngryBlakGuy: Yeah, if you sign it “AngryBlakGuy”!
hopeforbill: …And everyone would look with barely hidden admiration at Barry.
George Bush looks so young for his age. And Laura too. I wish they would let us in on their secret. George has a profile on millionarematchmaker.com. Planning ahead!
spencer: So, it costs me only a buck and I get to say something to the Asshat, which he will never see, and which puts me on no-fly lists, with micro-chipping coming, tied to my debit cards. Naaahhh.
How about pledging to give the RNC $10 for every year after Dubya has gone to meet his maker? (National Presto) When they come around to collect, we’ll all be happy to give. Enlarge his headstone, dig him up and have a new burial on national TV, with lotsa flowers. Volunteer the dick-bearing Wonketteers to comfort Laura, and clear her brush.
Gotsa be lots of creative remembrances here; so long as they are in memory, and no longer in fear.
(Goes without saying — Cheney’s got croak first before we can get suitably emotional when we remember the late Wubya.)
“Late Dubya” feels SOOOOO good to type!
American Dreamer: Oh fuck. Spam, really? That’s so feeble.
edgydrifter: the only spam on this site is Shortshortsshorts. I don’t think a human would be capable of making as many posts on wonkette as that guy. There are not enough hours in the day.
American Dreamer: Is it just me or are a third of the people posting on Wonkette actually alter-egos for Tony the Tiger?
American Dreamer: I will spam the shit out of Wonkette for you Tony. You should send me another love-note. I missed you fuckhead. You have always been my favorite fuckhead.
American Dreamer: For you - Because you have always had bags of money.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
ManchuCandidate: I actually mailed a ‘fecalgram’ to someone a few years ago… They don’t offer them anymore. I guess they got sued.
Dear Mr President -
Please die, painfully, horribly and publicly, but on Jan 20th, 11:59:15 am.
Because even Dick Cheney can’t screw the entire nation up in fifteen seconds.
Err, more than he has in the past 7 years, 364 days, 23 hours and 45 seconds.
Signed,
America
Boy, won’t my face be red if Cheney takes advantage of the extra thirty seconds my letter accidentally gave him and does something “historic”.
Actual death threats to a president are never a good idea. Despite budget cutbacks, they have plenty of federal employees who can investigate lese majesty, and they’ll sometimes come right to your house to prove it. Try something like the following dyslexic-bafflers:
“What you’ve done for this country will never be forgotten”
“You’ve been as great a president as you’ve been a human being.”
“If you ever have a beer again, I’d be glad to have a beer with you–or two dozen, even, just like the old days!”
“Stay the course, Mr. President, no matter how many billions on this planet know that the war is unwinnable.”
Here’s to hoping they let him hold the knife and/or blow out the candles. Most accidents do occur in the home, you know.
ronaldpagan: You were 16 when dubya said that? You are much too wise for one so young. Or are you really a middle aged cop posing as a teenager? If so, the pedophiles hang out on the other side of the aisle.
As several of my fellow Wonketteers have pointed out, there is simply no way I could send this buffoon a greeting card expressing my true sentiments for him that wouldn’t involve unmarked vehicles pulling up outside my place in the wee small hours.
Maybe that courageous sparrow that crapped on him a while back will have to stand as our most fitting tribute…
If we give him money will he quit early? Just a thought.