Garling Gauge

Des Moines Register GOP ‘Debate Firsts’

>> GOP Debate Engaged: Comatose Activation Initiated <<

The last Republican debate before the Iowa caucuses put most of us to sleep. With the stern host of the Weakest Link moderating the debate, it was a strict evening indeed.

One in the same: Anne Robinson and Caroline Washburn

Don’t fret, Debate Firsts liven it up:

IPTV Republican Debate Firsts

First to wear excessive blush: Moderator Caroline Washburn
First drab debate set design: This one
First smile: former mayor Rudy Giuliani
First mention of Mother Nature: Ice (Washburn)
Second mention of Mother Nature: Tsunami (Washburn)
First to say she’ll try not to be a grinch (so close to Christmas): Washburn
First topic: The Economy
First candidate to answer a question: Giuliani
First to use an ‘old saying’: Rep. Duncan Hunter
First to cough: former Sen. Fred Thompson
First to answer a question without answering a question: former Gov. Mitt Romney
First to say “tanks, airplanes, bullets and bombs”: former Gov. Mike Huckabee
First to say he’d make the U.S. oil independent in five years: Sen. John McCain
First to say “unlimited dreams”: Giuliani
First to say Americans need to sacrifice to help lower the nation’s debt: None
First to recommend killing an animal: Huckabee
First to mention snake bites: Huckabee
First to say “womb to tomb”: Rep. Tom Tancredo
First to stutter: Tancredo
First to bring up ‘evil’: Rep. Ron Paul
First to use a prop: Giuliani holding up a piece of paper
First presidential debate to put half the audience to sleep: This one

First to say he can’t part the Red Sea but he can cut the red tape: Huckabee
First to say “I’m the biggest free marketeer and free trader you’ll ever see”: McCain
First to say he’s not doing hand shows: Thompson
First to ask for a show of hands while not realizing Sen. John McCain can’t raise his hands above his head due to war injuries: Moderator Washburn (perhaps the worst moderator ever)
First to look angry in each answer: former Ambassador Alan Keyes
First to bring up the founding fathers: Huckabee
First to say charter schools are a good idea: McCain (moron)
First to scratch her lip: Moderator Washburn
First to blame unions for the dissipation of the best teachers in schools: Hunter
First to argue with the moderator: Keyes
First to argue with the moderator twice in ten seconds: Keyes
First to interrupt the moderator to talk about God: Keyes
First to say the National Education Association is the biggest obstacle to improving education: Thompson
First to bring up Ronald Reagan: Tancredo (someone had to do it)
First to attack another candidate: Tancredo
First to suggest Huckabee run for Governor if he wants to tinker with curriculum: Tancredo
First to bring up Iran as a ‘horizon threat’: Hunter
First to suggest the U.S. could be diplomatically credible: Paul
First to say ‘radical Islam’ is a threat to our civilization: Tancredo
First to say he would ban abortion: Keyes
First to thank the people of Iowa: Romney
First to mention his son: Romney
First to mention his website: Alan Keyes (dot com)
First to suggest that his use of government monies to fund security for his mistress allowed the process to be more open to the Freedom of Information Act: Giuliani (you’ve got to kidding me)
First to attack Romney for not being true to who he is: Keyes
First to say Giuliani would abandon the heritage of the Republican party: Keyes
First to say he wouldn’t support Giuliani: Keyes
First to mention Ronald Reagan after Tancredo: Romney
First to be asked a question about his website: Tancredo
First to be called a maverick: McCain
First to cause the moderator to laugh: Huckabee