Garling Gauge

Does CNN Love Romney?

Even CNN has boring news days

The CNN Political Ticker seems to be stretched a bit too thin this campaign season. The September 1, 2007 headline on the ticker read, no joke:

“Romney: ‘Dramatic’ retaliation to nuclear attack”

Oh my!

CNN is reporting that Republican presidential candidate former Gov. Mitt Romney will retaliate if the U.S. is attacked with nuclear weapons. Specifically, he would retaliate in a “dramatic and clear way” if the U.S. is attacked with nuclear weapons.

How is this news?

Even Rep. Dennis Kucinich would respond in a dramatic and clear way if a city was vaporized.

Below is the picture, picture subtext, and intro to the CNN Ticker article:

Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney says that if terrorists detonated a nuclear bomb in a U.S. city while he was president he would retaliate “in a very dramatic and clear way.”

Posed that scenario while campaigning Friday in this early primary state, Romney said he didn’t want to say much more.

“The answer is you would retaliate and you’d retaliate in a very dramatic and clear way. I don’t want to be terribly more specific than that,” the former Massachusetts governor said.

I understand that with a 24 hour news company you need to put out content; With a television channel and website constantly updating, revising, and improvising, it’s a tall task to be sure.

But seriously, it is not news to write an article on a presidential candidate saying he or she would respond if America is attacked with nuclear warheads. Don’t let us down, friendly ticker.

Perhaps there is a Mitt Romney quota and interns were asked to write an article. Or, perhaps someone with ticker privileges wanted to sneak out another bump for the former governor.

The strong jawed photo is surely no accident.

Either way, until proven otherwise, the Garling Gauge gossips that CNN has a crush on ~~Obama~~ Romney.

But let us not get carried away with ourselves. CNN does provide a broad spectrum of political coverage that many of us enjoy every day. So, to help our friends at CNN out of the dregs of political news, I offer up the following headlines for future publication on a slow day at CNN:

Al Gore: I’m not running for president
Barack Obama: There is hope for America
Bill Richardson: Diplomacy for the Middle East
Chris Dodd: As President, I will live in the White House
Dennis Kucinich: ‘Dramatic’ retaliation to nuclear attack
Duncan Hunter: Presidency limited to role as Commander in Chief
Fred Thompson: I’m going to announce I’m running for President
Hillary Clinton: Will create universal Health Care
Jim Gilmore: I’m staying out of the race
Joe Biden: Says he has a plan for Iraq
John Bootie: You’ve never heard of me
John Edwards: Yes you can call me Robin Hood
John McCain: Did you know I used to be a P.O.W.?
Karl Krueger: You’ve never heard of me either
Mike Gravel: If nominated, I’ll choose a vice presidential candidate
Mike Huckabee: “Ah shucks” stated at rally
Mitt Romney: I plan on praying in church
Ron Paul: If elected, I will wear a tie
Rudy Guiliani: Arabs are bad
Sam Brownback: The Bible thinks for me
Tom Tancredo: Everyone not like me needs to go away

If you need more just ask the nearest five year old.

Even with an unwarranted article on Mitt Romney stating the obvious clogging up cyberspace , some good came from it. Below is a response to the article that sums up the candidate’s views:

Mitt Romney is the robot politician, perfectly programmed to never say anything controversial.

His declaration here is that if we were attacked he would do something.

His position on health care is do whatever you want and I’ll go along with it.

His positions on immigration, abortion, stem-cells and gay rights depend on what state he’s in.

“I don’t want to be terribly more specific than that” should be the Romney campaign bumper sticker.

I hope American voters come to realize that beneath that handsome plastic exterior lies… absolutely nothing.
Posted By David, Salinas, CA : September 1, 2007 6:04 pm

We still love ya CNN Ticker, and we’ll be watching.

tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…

Postscript: Comments concerning unnecessary blog posts commentating on an unnecessary articles are welcome if you wish to continue the vicious cycle.