Garling Gauge

Beggard Republicans + Automatic Weapons = Family Fun Day

New Hampshire GOP holds machine gun ‘fun’draiser

Trailing Democrats in annual fundraising, NPR reports that Republicans in Manchester, New Hampshire are holding a Machine Gun Shoot, luring supporters to a fundraiser by allowing them to fire automatic weapons.

“For $25 supporters can fire a variety of automatic and semi-automatic weapons favored by the military. Ammunition costs extra. And it’s more than a fundraiser, as one organizer describes it: It’s a fun day, a family day.”

Listen to it on

http://world.guns.ru/assault/as18-e.htm

Ron Paul Matchup: Boba Fett vs. Bin Laden

H.R. 3216: Ron Paul seeks bounty hunters to track down Osama Bin Laden

According to the Politico,

Paul has offered legislation (H.R. 3216) to authorize Bush to issue “letters of marquee and reprisal” to those private citizens or entities that want “to seize outside the geographic boundaries of the United States and its territories the person and property of Osama bin Laden, of any al Qaeda co-conspirator, and of any conspirator with Osama bin Laden and al Qaeda who are responsible for the air piratical aggressions and depredations perpetrated upon the United States of America on September 11, 2001,” or future attacks.

Paul offered this proposal back in October 2001, arguing that it would allow “Congress to authorize the President to specifically target Bin Laden and his associates using non-government armed forces. Since it is nearly impossible for U.S. intelligence teams to get close to Bin Laden, the marque and reprisal approach creates an incentive for people in Afghanistan or elsewhere to turn him over to the [United States].”

However, these types of bounty hunting commissions were outlawed in 1856 by the Treaty of Paris, ending the Crimean War.

While the United States was not a party to that treaty, and the Confederate States of America issued such letters during the Civil War, they are pretty much an anachronism.

Poor bounty hunters.

Sorry Bobba Fett. Sorry Bossk, Dengar and Greedo. Sorry Aurra Sing, Zuckuss, and DOG. Progress denies you your wacky ways.

See also:

• Politico
• Ron Paul’s 2001 version

• Another Ignorant President?
• Eschewing the Anti-Ostrich
• YouTube & Unknown Presidential Candidates
• Ron Paul to Chump: You’re Overweight
• Ron Paul Calls Republican Party Flip-Floppers

http://lukoagency.free.fr/images/Jeremy%20Bulloch/co-Boba03.jpg
http://www.ocolly.okstate.edu/issues/2001_Fall/011011/pix/1.%20OSAMA%20BIN%20LADEN.jpg
http://www.reviewjournal.com/lvrj_home/2006/Jan-16-Mon-2006/photos/5bounty.jpg
http://www.theadvocates.org/celebrities/images/ron-paul2.jpg
http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/I/51H6XCT469L._AA240_.jpg
http://cooperativeresearch.org/events-images/099_malaysia_meeting_2050081722-8286.jpg

Ingmar’s Seventh Seal

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See also: Pavarotti’s Seventh Seal

Presidential Hopeful Declared Website Mascot

The new Garling Gauge mascot, John Bootie

08′ Presidential campaign contacts the Garling Gauge

Ensuing the post YouTube & Unknown Presidential Candidates, an email was received from Jason Bootie–the son and campaign manager for presidential aspirant John Bootie–thanking the Garling Gauge for the plug:

Hello I am Jason Bootie, both son and also campaign manager for John Bootie. As I was searching his name through yahoo search I came across a link to your post. I think what campaigner2008 is doing a great justice letting folks know that there are more candidates out there willing to make a run for it.

I get so sick and tired of seeing the top candidates only, yes I know that is how our society and media today is, but what is the real reason these folks have to make millions? I mean those that give so much get nothing back in return unless their candidate wins, and then even there is NO promise of getting anything for your buck, at least not with today’s politicians.

But I wanted to thank you for that story and plug for Mr. Bootie. I read some other posts and you do an outstanding job, keep up the great work. Thanks again and have a great day.

God Bless, Jason Bootie

Appreciation is extended to Jason Bootie for the fine comments.

Given that many posts on this blog are decidedly left-leaning, it is unexpected and satisfying to receive a hat tip from the presidential campaign manager of a self-described “Ultra-conservative”.

While the Garling Gauge supports the Democratic party and liberal independents, John and Jason Bootie should be commended for their courage to enter the political fray of a two-party system, even if Mr. Bootie’s platform is dangerously myopic at best.

A few highlights from the Bootie’s 08′ website:

• I WILL not end the War on Terror

• I will make our presence permanent in Iraq

• Close the border with Mexico until we can control when and if people come in to our country. NO legal or illegal entry until the day, WE control the rate and legality of the people coming in to the USA

• Get insurance companies to pay for every single person to go to a GYM as part of their health plan to fight sickness and obesity. A healthier person costs less to insure. NO National Health Care.

• I am dead set against Embryonic stem cell research

• I don’t believe in the concept of global warming

• War on Drugs: Wow, now that’s a hard question.

• NO I DON’T believe you can support the troops and not their mission.

• ABORTION is murder. I am pro-life.

• I won’t beat around the bush. I believe the Bible says “a man shall leave his mother and father and become one with his wife(female)”. I do not support gay marriage

• Require France, Germany and any other country that feels its ok to side with terrorists to re-pay any and all outstanding DEBTS and cut off all financial aide until such a time they promise to side with us and close their mouths.

• Stop appeasing the few at the expense of the many. Fix the IN GOD WE TRUST and UNDER GOD debate because this nation was founded on that premise, this nation is predominantly christian.
  

• I would go one step further I would ask for a law that anyone over 18 that wants to were a GUN openly can and will have a federal right to bear arms. I believe if everyone wore a gun there would be less crime not more. I believe if an armed criminal entered a store or bank to rob it and saw 4, 5, or 6 armed people in the store or bank they would think two or three times about the robbery.

• I pledge if the people feel I DID NOT TRY to do everything I promised then I would not run for a second term. Since I am single, NO revolving door of endless women.

• PhD in Commonsense from the School of Life, still attending.

(Note to Bootie webmaster: Use Spell Check)

By now it should be blindingly apparent that John Bootie is crazy.

Even so, the truck driver and presidential hopeful does have a couple ideas worth exploring:

Mexican trucks would not be allowed in to the USA past the buffer zone at the border unless 3 things are met. First: the trucks and drivers are certified to be legal and non-dangerous. Second: the companies pay their drivers a wage equal to the american drivers (not 1/3 of the pay we get). Third: there would need to be a proven and genuine need for the use of outside trucks and drivers. We still do not have a zero unemployment rating.


Trucking: Pass a law that we make truck parking more accessible. If we are going to require the drivers to pull over, then they need places to park safely and legally. First idea: for that is whenever a driver pulls over along any highway or road, that they keep their tractor and trailer body lights on if its dark out and park safely off the traveled surface of the road way. Second idea: is they can idle whenever the temps are below 32 degrees F, without the risk and threat of getting a ticket if they have No APU.

(As a truck driver, he should know)

and…

End Wasteful Spending: NO Inaugural parties, no renting out the white house bedrooms. No state parties just to play politics. No alcohol in the white house. No costly redecorating of The White House.

While a Bootie administration would certainly degenerate our society back to the stone age (trucks and decorating aside), there is something inexplicably cute about an ignorant, ultra-conservative truck driver running for president as “The Next Lincoln-Reagan” with typos all over his campaign website.

The tie-less photo scores points too.

With that in mind, the Garling Gauge announces the following:

Taking into consideration the politeness of Jason Bootie’s letter, the cuteness of the John Bootie campaign, the acknowledgment that outlandish political perspectives still thrive, the certain knowledge that John Bootie is crazy, the condemnation of the Bootie platform, the silliness of his last name, and the fact that the U.S. Navy already took a goat, the Garling Gauge officially declares John Bootie as its official mascot!

Dictionary.com describes a mascot as:

• an animal, person, or thing adopted by a group as its representative symbol and supposed to bring good luck: The U.S. Navy mascot is a goat.

Goats aside, the Garling Gauge hopes the new John Bootie mascot will bring everyone luck in the encroaching presidential election.

As a final thanks to John Bootie for all the entertainment and the belief that all points of views should be heard no matter how ridiculous, below is a subsequent (and expected last) letter sent from the Bootie campaign:

Hey maybe you could do something with this press release? If not no biggy.?

From:Jason Bootie (bootiecampaign@yahoo.com)

LANCASTER COUNTY, Penn., - John Bootie is running for the 2008 Presidency as an independent. He believes in the strong and honorable tradition of our military, and he believes that we can settle for no less than victory against the ruthless enemy we now face. He agrees that Iraq is becoming another Vietnam, but only because the anti-war protestors desire it to be. As with the Vietnam Conflict, the media is using anti-American tactics, many of the politicians in office are attempting to lose the war on terror, and the military is not being allowed to fight to win!

Rush Limbaugh sounds like a liberal when compared to Presidential Candidate John Bootie. The next “Lincoln-Reagan,” John Bootie believes that government does not know what is best for you. You know what’s best for you. And it is high-time a presidential candidate stands up for what’s right.

John Bootie is a conservative political candidate running for the 2008 Presidency. The popularity of this grass-roots candidate is growing because he is the candidate that the common American can relate to, because he is one of you!

Unaffected by lobby groups and special interests, John Bootie is a true American who drives an eighteen-wheeler for a living. He has traveled the highways and bi-ways of this great nation, and recognizes that the United States is a great nation, united under God, and worth defending. While the other candidates are worried about agendas, failed programs, and granting amnesty to criminals, John Bootie is guided by moral values, integrity, character, and compassion of his fellow man. He recognizes that the American Dream is alive and well for those that work hard and make responsible decisions. And while all of those candidates of the two major parties lose touch with the everyday American, John Bootie lives, works, and worships God among the populace.

John Bootie does not hide behind “political correctness.” He is brutally honest, straight to the point, and is willing to debate over what he believes. Now, as his campaign grows, John Bootie’s 2008 Presidential campaign is breaking into the mainstream, because the people are tired of “politics as usual.” The Democrats believe that you are not intelligent enough, or capable of, being self-reliant, and the Republicans have left the true conservatives out in the cold. As an independent candidate, John Bootie will remain free from agendas, and will be free to cling to his values.

You can learn more about John Bootie for President and his internet-driven campaign at www.johnbootie08.com

Jason Bootie
Campaign Manager

• Presidential Matchup: Bootie vs Krueger
• Still can’t get enough Bootie? Listen here.
• Response from the Bootie Campaign is here.

Bush + USA Gets It In The Ass

Bush to undergo colonoscopy
Cheney to wield presidential power

Vice President Dick Cheney will wield presidential powers while President Bush receives a colonoscopy tomorrow.

Double Ouch.

While the president is under anesthesia, the most powerful vice president will be the leader of the free world.

What will acting President Cheney be thinking about?

Perhaps he’ll get reflective.

Perhaps the situation will cause him to focus on own his health and faltering heart, or perhaps the faltering plans for the Middle East. Or perhaps Vice President Cheney will focus on what could have been this election season, with him on the ticket as presumptive Republican nominee for President.

Will he sit behind the President’s desk?

Perhaps he’ll think about the new Democratic majority in Congress or the latest Republican scandal.

Perhaps he’ll think about how others view him, wondering why people call him Darth Vader.

Or perhaps he won’t think about any of these things. Perhaps it will be just another day for him, attending meetings, calling people on the phone, and eating lunch.

I have a suggestion for the Vice President.

Perhaps tomorrow, the day upon which he briefly ascends to the most powerful position in the world, Mr. Cheney will think about what the president can’t get off his mind that day, and what so many people think about when pondering the current executive branch:

Assholes.

Gentle Reminder

Rights removed after 9/11

We’ve still got a long way to go…

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More on 9/11

Israel’s ‘Goodwill’ Gesture Shouldn’t Be Their Last

Israel frees 250+ low-security prisoners

In an effort to boost Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas, Israel has released around 255 prisoners with short sentences. Primarily members of the Fatah faction, the prisoners were released to strengthen Abbas after Hamas Islamists took control of the Gaza Strip last month.

Reuters reports that “Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert has described his decision to free 256 low-security prisoners, most of them with relatively short sentences left to run, as a goodwill gesture to bolster Abbas’s new government.”

Reuters, CNN, Al Jazeera

Every goodwill gesture needs to be followed by another. This small yet positive step is another opportunity for Israel and the Palestinians to mitigate the historic cycle of tit for tat.

Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert and Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas will either capitalize on this or wait for another reprisal while polishing their pistols.

Time will tell.

Wendy Vitter vs. Her Internal Lorena Bobbitt

[WARNING: graphic image]

Wendy Vitter & Lorena Bobbitt

Wendy Vitter chooses the Light side of the Force

Republican Sen. David Vitter made news on July 9, 2007 by apologizing for having used a Washington D.C. escort service, calling it a “very serious sin in my past”. Though deemed by many as hypocritical due to Vitter’s lambasting of President Clinton during the Lewinsky affair, Sen. Vitter’s wife is standing by her man.

Reported by Helena Andrews of the Politico, Wendy Vitter has responded:

“You know, in most any other marriage, this would have been a private issue between a husband and a wife, very private. Obviously it is not here.”

Vitter went on to say that, like most, her marriage was “not perfect” and that she had made the clear decision to love her husband, recommit and forgive.

Sad situation, but good for her.

But what would happen if Wendy Vitter ran for political office?

Would her statement–like so many statements from other political wives that have come before–sound just as stoic? Or would she be seen as opportunistic, as some have suggested of presidential candidate Sen. Hillary Clinton who stood by her man “in good times and bad”?

Following the long wake of the Lewinsky scandal, Andrews notes that:

Back in 2000, when Wendy Vitter was asked how she would deal with infidelity in her own marriage, she delivered a statement that has surely come back to slap her in the face: “I’m a lot more like Lorena Bobbitt than Hillary. If he does something like that, I’m walking away with one thing, and it’s not alimony, trust me.”

It seems now that Mrs. Vitter has had a change of heart; more Hillary than Lorena.

Open question to Mrs. Vitter: How do you feel now about First Lady Hillary Clinton’s 1998 public reaction to the Lewinsky scandal?

Photo of John Wayne Bobbitt’s severed penis being held up in court

See Related: Politics, Hillary Clinton

Update: Prostitute Dishes on Sen. Vitter in Hustler Magazine

Dave Chappelle for Press Secretary

Chappelle suggests he might enjoy the job

CNN White House Correspondent Ed Henry’s Political Ticker article describes his chance meeting with comedian Dave Chappelle outside of the White House:

A man was standing at the gate asking Chappelle, “Are you who I think you are?”

Chappelle scrunched his face into that familiar pose and declared: “And who do you think I am?”

Chappelle sighting confirmed.

When asked by Henry what he was doing in Washington, Chappelle, being from D.C., replied:

“I’m just taking a stroll from Georgetown to the Hill”

Strolling together toward the Treasury Department, Henry asked Chappelle what was next for him:

“I want your job,” he said, explaining that it’s fun to watch reporters go back-and-forth with White House Press Secretary Tony Snow.

“Or maybe I’ll take Tony Snow’s job,” Chappelle smiled.

“I think that’s a cool job.”

Hm, perhaps a comedian could excel in politics…

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http://www.ifilm.com/video/2795970

Immoral Minority

Politico slide show of Republican hypocrisy

Dubbing themselves the Moral Majority in 1979, Conservative Republicans and Christian political action committees have long asserted their political views coincide with the Christian concept of moral law.

Republican Senator David Vitter made headlines when he recently apologized for using an “escort service”, stating in an email to AP:

“This was a very serious sin in my past for which I am, of course, completely responsible”… “Several years ago, I asked for and received forgiveness from God and my wife in confession and marriage counseling.”

This is particularly hypocritical as Vitter lambasted President Clinton during the Monica Lewinsky scandal.

The Politico has created a slide show of Republican hypocrisy. View it here.

Extramarital Majority